Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Sheep Issue Statement on Being Counted
The flock has confirmed it is aware of the practice, considers the figures broadly accurate, and would like the jumping to stop.
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Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Penguins Announce Standing Rota
Under the new arrangement, everybody takes a turn on the outside of the huddle, and nobody is to mention how long anyone else has been in the middle.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Fox Returns Single Shoe, Offers No Explanation
The boot was taken from the doorstep in June. It came back to the same doorstep in September, cleaned and facing the house.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Bees Vote to Keep the Hive Exactly as Warm as It Was
After a full day of consultation involving every worker in the colony, the hive has resolved to maintain thirty-five degrees, as it has every year since the hive existed.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Hedgehog Completes Census of One Garden
Four nights of fieldwork, one garden, and a final count of every slug, step and gap under the fence, published in full to an audience of nobody.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Seagull Declares Chip Shop a Protected Site
The designation covers the pavement, the low wall, the bin, and a strip of air above the doorway that the gull describes as historically significant.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Badger Denies Involvement in Missing Garden Gnome
The gnome went from the rockery on Tuesday night. The badger was in the garden on Tuesday night. The badger describes this as a coincidence of a very ordinary kind.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Duck Files Noise Complaint Against Fountain
The fountain has run since April. The duck has held the north bank since March, and says that order of arrival is the whole point.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Snail Completes Six-Metre Crossing, Declines to Comment
Four days, one flagstone path, sixteen hours under a leaf — and at the finish the snail had nothing to say to the assembled woodlice.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Heron Issues Statement Regarding the Six Hours
The bird stood in eleven centimetres of water from dawn until early afternoon and wishes to make clear that this was, at all times, work.