Fiction Useless Inventions
The Seat-Saving Sofa Cushion
It learns the exact shape of the person who sits there most, and when anyone else settles into that spot, it inflates, very politely, until they move.
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Fiction Useless Inventions
The Shoelace Referee
A clip-on whistle that shows you a yellow card for a loose shoelace, which sounds pointless until you meet the one person who truly needs it.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Certificate Printer for Small Wins
A desk machine that prints a formal, gold-bordered certificate for achievements such as remembering to take the washing in before it rained.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Museum Rope for the Home
Two brass posts and a length of burgundy velvet rope, for cordoning off the one corner of your house that is currently tidy.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Considerate Vacuum
A vacuum cleaner that stops the instant anybody in the room begins to speak, so that it never once interrupts, and therefore never once finishes.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Weather Doormat
A handsome coir mat with a small display in the corner, which tells you, as you come in, exactly what the weather was doing an hour ago.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Recital Toaster
A toaster that marks the completion of your toast with a short brass fanfare, played approximately three minutes after the toast is done.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Loyal Trolley
A shopping trolley engineered, at considerable expense, to turn only left, on the grounds that a trolley which can go anywhere encourages a shopper who has thought about nothing.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Doorbell That Knocks
A small brass fist mounted on the inside of your front door, which knocks politely whenever a visitor presses the button outside.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Slow Torch
A handsome aluminium torch whose beam arrives about three seconds after you point it, so you are always shown where you were looking rather than where you are looking.