Fiction Useless Inventions
The Fridge Light That Never Goes Off
A refrigerator that keeps its bulb burning day and night, so that nobody ever has to wonder again what happens in there once the door swings shut.
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Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Hummingbird Declares Garden Feeder His Personal Property
A hummingbird the weight of a coin has claimed exclusive rights to a sugar-water feeder with four perfectly good drinking holes, and spends most of his day making sure nobody else uses any of them.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Starlings Deny Rehearsing Evening Sky Show, Say It Just Happens
Tens of thousands of starlings swirled over the reed beds at dusk in shapes so perfect that onlookers demanded to know who was in charge, and the starlings insist nobody is.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Pufferfish Unveils Seabed Sculpture, Declines to Explain Its Meaning
After a week of round-the-clock work, a small pufferfish has completed a perfectly symmetrical sand circle the width of a double bed and has refused all requests for an interview.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Ibex Insist Dam Wall Is a Perfectly Normal Place for a Snack
A herd of ibex was seen standing on a near-vertical stone dam high in the mountains on Thursday, licking the wall, and a spokesgoat has asked everyone to calm down.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Meerkat Sentry Denies Napping on Duty, Blames Very Bright Sun
For roughly forty seconds on Tuesday afternoon, the mob's lookout post was occupied by a meerkat whose eyes were closed, and the mob would like to know why.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Bowerbird Rejects Bottle Cap for Being the Wrong Blue
The cap was round, clean and undeniably blue, and after four minutes of silent inspection the bowerbird carried it back out of the garden and dropped it by the shed.
Fiction Animal News — Fiction
Hermit Crabs Form Orderly Queue as Roomy Shell Comes on the Market
One roomy whelk shell turned up at low tide, and by the afternoon eleven hermit crabs had lined up by size and moved house in under a minute.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Goodbye Extender
A telescopic hallway that grows a little longer every time someone says right, we really should be going, and then does not go.
Fiction Useless Inventions
The Shoelace Referee
A clip-on whistle that shows you a yellow card for a loose shoelace, which sounds pointless until you meet the one person who truly needs it.